Wander Two: Willingness to be Witnessed
I find myself asking why I created this project for myself, for us. If I’m honest part of it is to assert a sense of regularity and expectation in the midst of great unknowing. This time in our history feels like a true wander, a tumble even, where we cannot know where we are going or where we will be carried—where the aware of uncertainty that is always present to some degree is remarkably clear and heightened. I do not know where I, or you, my family, our society will land on the other side or sides of it. When I try to focus on this time, I get the sense of myself looking at what I believe is pyramid—thinking it only has 5 sides, when it is really a dodecahedron—and has many many more.
I have wandered before. Willingly. Well, sort of. Willingly after being unwilling or unable to leave a situation that was no longer serving me. A few years ago I left my career and community, the center of my spiritual practice, my husband for a time, the house and 17 acres we had recently purchased outside Nashville, and our two aging cats, to go live in a landscape and do work that was entirely different from before in a delapadated bunkhouse of 17 strangers. Others admired my courage. It felt less like courage and more like necessity. I was willing, but I had also been shown by something greater than myself that I needed to do something utterly differently in my life because I was making myself sick, so there was no choice.
This time feels similar in a global picture. It is my view that our society is quite sick. We have wanted to live differently for a while—doing more than bringing bags to the supermarket to save our earth (thanks Marc Maron)—but it’s hard to be willing until it becomes obvious necessity. And I want to become willing to go through the transformation that is required to live differently, and to live knowing the impact we have. To risk loving the world and each other and being vulnerable and looking lame. Willingness to be seen.
I don’t know exactly what form this project should take. I want it too to be open to the evolution that is required to be of nourishment.
Wander Two...in honor of Earth Day and the New Moon
A little over a year ago, a few months pregnant, Andy and I were furiously helping a new friend plaster her straw bale house in the vast and magical landscape of a small Utah town. An herbalist, she ran a group Medicine circle, a gifted me the beauty of being witnessed by the natural world during our first class.
Go to a place where there are plant beings. As you go, be aware of your steps, on the earth. Be in silence. Walk like you might inside a cathedral or other holy place. The place can be your backyard, a park, an overgrown alleyway. It can be a field, hollow—or if you are confined inside, open a window and cast your eyes to the nearest tree or plant being. Take your time. When thoughts come that are irrelevant or distracting, just come back to your steps on the ground. You are sacred, the ground is sacred, the other beings you may see are sacred.
Tune into the what your chest or heartspace feels like. Maybe you are used to doing that or maybe it is a new experience. Notice what it feels like.
Imagine you are looking from that place. Walk, or look at the plant being or beings you are with. In silence. Keep tuning into the heartspace. Look from there. And as you walk you see the plants, AND they see you. Allow yourself to be seen by the tree. To be in the intensity of eye contact with a non-human being if you will. Look with the eye of your heart and be seen and see. For me it isn't always easy to stay there. Bring yourself back as often as you need to. If all of this feels strange and awkward, that's okay, you may never have done this before.
Be in silence and walk slowly. Sit if you are called. You may wander 5 feet or 100 yards. It doesn’t matter. Let yourself see from your heartspace and open to be seen by the plant beings.
Check this post for original wander instructions. Let there be a threshold in & out.
Check this post for original wander instructions. Let there be a threshold in & out.
Please leave your experience below in the comments if you are willing or send to me to post. Some have had trouble posting comments. Thank you to those who have shared their experiences!
The first zoom meeting will be next Thursday April 30th at 3:00pm Eastern Time. If you would like to be part of the zoom share, please email me.
Love and blessings.
Inder
Thank you, Inder!
ReplyDeleteI did this wander in the morning, before the kids woke up. I walked around the neighborhood slowly, trying to see if any plants wanted to look at me, but it didn't seem like any were interested. The flowers especially seemed hard to look in the eye. I kept going and found an overgrown yard-hill where the ferns seemed like wise women. I don't like to be observed, but in the spirit of embracing awkwardness I went with it. The solomon's seal joined in, and the euphorbia too seemed like hundreds of tiny faces I could come to terms with. I stood with them all for awhile, I tried to open myself up to being witnessed.
On a heavy day, as my presence and attention seemed to be on nonstop demand, Inder's invitation to wander alone in my yard evolved from allure to necessity. Shortly before sunset, I sensed my moment. I quietly told my partner I would get the mail, careful not to alert my daughter and risk being followed. Savoring the walk through blankets of chickweed and violet greens, I felt my shoulders ease and heart swell...
ReplyDeleteHello sadness, doubt, and uncertainty. I see my fringe friends, unworthiness and futility, are with us, too. I introduce myself to the lone rose bush, growing mightily year after year, and feel shame for offering my heart through these murky filters. And for not clearing last year's dead vines. I come closer to apologize and am startled into delight when a mama cardinal flies out of the vines. I am allowed to peep her three speckled eggs and, to my surprise, they are nested in materials both organic and synthetic. It is clear that all is useful. The waste gets caught up in perception. I understand my shame is welcome, too.
Yes, walking silently observing and interacting with all the beings, plant, mineral, animal, those that fly, and even the beings that invade our bodies like bacteria and viruses. We are all here together. --Barbara
ReplyDeleteThank you Inder. I do these types of wanderings on most dog walks in the evening when town quiets down, the heat dissipates, and molecules slow down. I often observe plants energetically but never have given them to opportunity to observe me. What a great way to look from outside, in and see what others (flora and fauna (including human fauna)) observe in me. Many lessons to be learned here.
ReplyDelete