Wander 12: Trust What You Find

It’s been a little while since I’ve made the time to take a solo wander, out somewhere in a landscape off my daily track, without other human company. This is surely not the only way to wander, but for me, these wanders are very precious. For with them there is opportunity. If I can surrender my thinking enough, I can, with the guidance of a bigger Mother’s hand, sometimes sink into a space where I feel in the heartbeat of the world, the magic of the electric tension that balances all this life together.

Yesterday, it wasn’t very easy for me to sink. I was aware I had competing agendas for this time, and it felt like the best way forward was probably to surrender all of them. I needed Rest, I needed to attend to the needs of a wild sensual part of me, I needed to celebrate a year of being Robin’s mom, I needed, I needed, I needed. Sometimes the needs feel utterly overwhelming—a hunger that is unquenchable, unmanageable. Surrendering them to this cup of Big Mother’s hand for me is the only way forward.

And this morning, I am remembering a discussion I witnessed in a yoga teacher training. It was between a student in the training, who was already a seasoned teacher herself, and the lead trainer. The student was becoming more and more flabbergasted by what the trainer was sharing about decision making. At some point in the exchange, the student said in a fair amount of heated disbelief “So, YOU’re telling ME that it is possible to basically intuit my way around the world, just making choices based on what I feel somewhere in my body?” He said, “Yes, that is precisely what I’m saying.”

You, Dear Reader, have your own magnificent way of making decisions, of clearing your mind, of sleeping on it, and may or may not subscribe to this belief: the belief that it is possible to intuit, to use the feeling centers of your body—your heart—to navigate the world. For me, it has actually come to be the way that makes most sense to me when my head is cluttered with competing priorities, ideas, wounds, blind spots. When I live and participate in a culture that on many level makes little sense to me at best, and is quite toxic at worst. And it is certainly easier for me to access this heartsense when my motor has slowed to idle, or perhaps even turned off for the moment.

For me then, yesterday’s wander was a time to surrender what fuels my motor: my agendas, my blind spots, my needs and my wounds, and to trust that I would come into contact with what nourishment I needed.

So perhaps the invitation here is simply to Wander with the Trust that you will find what you need. That this is FOR you. Each piece of the experience is for you, because not only does Mystery love you, but you are in fact of Her. So when I, You, go to Her, she reminds us that we can feel Her wisdom throughout our being. Because these bodies are nothing if not the very Earth that holds us and teaches us.